You work out of a Hotel?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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