I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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