Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I smell stomach acid.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
