the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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