Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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