Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
