so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
