you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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