it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
God I need to hump something, right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
