I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
