Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
