I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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