walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
