I'm jealous of your bromance
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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