for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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