nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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