i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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