omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
