So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
