I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
