And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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