just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Come on in and take your pants off
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