vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
