singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
