you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
