I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
