Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
