i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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