we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
