If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
