Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
