I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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