at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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