My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
