I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
