I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
