Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
