I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
