pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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