I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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