Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
