it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
