Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
