it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
