I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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