If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
