He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
