my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
