I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
