i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
