It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
