I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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