im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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