Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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