I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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