do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
