if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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