He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
