that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
