we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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