i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
