So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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