I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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