Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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