I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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