I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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