hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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