I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
