We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
