He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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