Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
