Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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