sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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