Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
