Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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